So in the end i tried to kill myself but it didn't work. So i told one of the mental health workers about how bad i was feeling. They took a lot of my stuff away and i took my meds at 9:30 but it isn't helping at all right now. I feel so horrible right now that i very doubt that i will be able to sleep at all tonight. Now i think i won't be able to go to groups for the rest of the week so i will most likely going to be hanging out in my room.
I am wondering what Dr. C will day to me tomorrow and i am cruious when he will be talking with me. I may just take the day off from him tomorrow to really figure out what i am going to say to him. It doesn't really matter anyways because i haven't talked to him in a week.
Fuck i just want to sleep but i can't and my mind is just going nuts with constant thoughts. It won't stop. I think if they didn't fucking with my meds i wouldn't be on a Level 2 right now. In my mind i think that's a big part of why i feel so fucked right now. Yeah let's change my meds almost completely and then ship me off into the real world. I guess i can't expect much from a state hospital any which way.
No calls tonight from anyone and i could have used it. R said she would call but nothing. The nurses are asking what they can do for me but i have no idea. I want to kill myself, want to help me? I just don't know what to ask for. They moved my room to a secure room again. I always get the same room for some reason. My new roomie is a chatter box which sucks but she's a quiet sleeper.
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