Still didn't sleep well last night. I think i got about 3 hours of sleep. I took the klonopin, ambien and the trazadone. What the fuck is going to work to help me sleep? For the most part i feel ok but i know its gonna do damage later with my depression. Since i haven't been sleeping well i have been hiding in my room a lot more. Trying to sleep during the day and early night. I'll get a few minutes here and there but i it doesn't add to much in the end. My appetite has taken a dive to because of the lack of sleep. My interests in groups is not interesting to me anymore. I just got the one i have to go to like empowerment, HHH and LR. I think i may have to go to the anger management. That's on Thursday and I'll decide whether i want to go to it or if i have to go to it. I really don't think i need it but i may try it once if i can get out of bed.
Talked to the Rev Dr. today. We didn't talk to much. She asked me why i didn't like Dr. D and i told her the basics and i deal with the groups i have to be in with him. s much as i don't like him the groups are good for me and i wont ever like him and i wasn't budging on that issue. She also talked about i went out of my way to talk at the HHR yesterday. I didn't see it as a big deal but she did and i told her i talked a lot in CR today also. Then we went on the subject of transitioning. And i told her my fear of starting over almost completely and that i was afraid of failing and getting back into my depression. I mentioned about requesting a night pass to play hockey and start making contacts via Internet. Then we went on to talk about the phone call about learning more details about Jeremy's death. I told her that i had a great week from that phone call but i said the upswing of it was that i was thinking a bit more of it and i may have more questions that i had before but i am facing the truth and beginning to start with the acceptance of his death. So i guess we talked a lot actually. It was a good talk and we are meeting up on Friday morning.
Oh i got a card from K today. It was pretty cute. It was a cat soaking wet on a bathroom. She said she was sorry about not visiting me before she left and that she will keep in contact with me when she can. She said i can beat "it".
I went to the library and went online this afternoon. I emailed D to let him know that there is a chance that i can play on Friday if they needed me. I also told him to call me and i would be able to play if they needed me and if not and i do have the pass that i would come watch anyways.
Time to go to the front to see if my request is there at the desk.
Yay! I got approved so I'm hoping Dave will call me tonight and hopeful i will be able to play on Friday. I get to go home and see my boys and sleep with them. It needs to be 5:30 so i can call my mom and tell her. She's gonna be freaking out. It's only a night but makes a huge difference. I can switch some of my clothes out too. I bring back some stuff i don't need either. I can download and put in more Cd's on the ipod. I will have to make a list. I can't wait to get on myspace too! I can email all the people who didn't know what was going on also. Time to make a list of what i want to bring home with me.
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