The rest of the week has been very stressful for me. I spent the week pleading my case to Dr. C but i wasn't looking good for me. I felt like it was just like beating a dead horse. I felt like he wasn't taking me seriously anymore.
As for my behaviour i just made sure to go to all of my groups so they could see i wanted to be here and get help. Moved in with F and it's been a nightmare. I moved in on Tuesday and i have been sleeping on the couch in the Annex since then. She leaves the lights on and she has her radio on blasting at all hours of the day and night. When she sleeps she snores so loud also. Dr. C put me back on Ambien and i maybe slept 4 hours.
I've spent the whole week thinking the worst about this family meeting. Look what happened at the last meeting. Total and udder disaster you know? Dr. C and I met everyday this week and some days were better than others. We just clashed and battled most of the week.
Then today we finally had a productive meeting. I think one of the best ones we've had yet. It started out with him asking what i wanted to talk about in this family meeting. So Wednesday night i wrote down some questions for him to answer and we just discussed all the stuff i needed answered without really having to ask him directly. I did ask 2 questions and he did answer them for me. Relief has finally come and we discussed the topics for tomorrows meeting. Dr. C wants me to go on pass tomorrow to do an overnight at R's so i will be doing that. I may do up to 3 overnight passes but most likely only 2. Then after that i will be release and i will still be under the rules of the hospital but i will be on visit until i feel it's ok for me to be discharged. They will provide me with all my meds and i need to come back or if i have any questions or problems i can all the nurses station anytime while i am on visit. I can come back if i am not feeling well or if i am really suicidal. This is a great plan and i think it suits me best. I know there are things i need to work on and i think i can work on them when i am out of the hospital. Right now i will make the best of it here and try to learn as much as i can before i go out.
When i am out on "visit" i will hopefully apply my coping skills when i am feeling low. I called my mom and R and they are cool with the plan and the family meeting dialog also.
Last night i requested to look at my chart to see what they have been writing since i have been here. I wanted to see their prospective on what has been going on with me. I got to see a little bit and pretty much everyday they wrote down that i was guarded and isolated. I did expect that because that's just the way i am. I would like to take the isolation part away from my life but it's not something you just let go and in a day it's gone. I'm sure there will be things i disagree with and something i don't even remember on there. I hope to look at it again and I'm gonna take my mac and make notes on my behavior. Maybe what i see there will fill me in on what i am really like. It looks like i am an asshole a lot. Or almost snobby at times. I have no idea if am like this on the outside. G just told me we will do it in a little while. I'm going to focus on the dates and what was said by who.
Tuesday they took me off a Level 1 completely. P and i were still battling and she new it was a power struggle overall. I got some of my privs back yesterday also. I am hoping to get to the library in the morning to check my email really quick even though i will be checking it later in the day, I can just delete the junk so it's less that i have to go through.
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