Didn't get that much sleep. I think i got 3 hours even with all those drugs. I'm really tired like the other day and i think its the trazadone. I wont take it tonight so hopefully i will be better for tomorrow. Don't want to feel sluggish for my opening game tomorrow night.
I fell ok i am trying to be distracted so the fear of feeling of my racing thoughts don't continue. It was only last night that they were coming back. I am not sure why but there could be plenty of reasons.
Just had anger management and we didnt really have the group. Instead we went to this wellness fair. It was boring but i got some stuff. I got 2 E-mergancy packets. They are pretty good and they are pricey also. I had to buy them a lot for the bands at the Ballroom. Then i got this stuff you crew and spit out and it makes your teeth red so when you brush you can see the spots you missed. So that was about as exciting as it gets at this event.
Up for my next group is the walking group. I don't really want to go but i should. I have to stop being lazy and isolating. I also have library group also so i can check my mail again. I also have Transistionings. I didn't go to that one last week but i went out for fresh air instead.
I was nice last week to not go out. I played hockey 1 day last week. Good times! For the past couple of days i have been listening to my ipod on shuffle. It picks up so much Duran Duran and u2 for some reason. Also a ton of AM, is my ipod trying to tell me something?
10:45 is walk group and its 10:30. Time for my word seek.
Ok so no walk group because i was the only one today i guess. Went to the library group and checked my mail. C replied to me and i sent something back to her. I also send C and email back. I was supposed to have Transitions but i never heard the announcement for it. Oh well i get to spend more time in my room here.
I'm wondering if Dr. C will talk to me today. If not its tomorrow if i don't leave before he talks to me. I haven't seen him today either so he may have it off. He hasn't called anyone either which is around this time also.
D is supposed to call around 3:30ish to confirm everything for tomorrow. I think C will be the one picking me up and i hope she doesn't get lost. She's only been to my house once. It was also during the day.
I'm feeling OK still today. Still a bit nervous and anxious today. I may make a cameo outside my room today for a little walk but they are so damn boring now. I miss my old favorite spot by the heater. I don't go over there because K is always talking and the other Px's get him fired up. Although someone is in the 4 points right now. I'm wondering if its him. I haven't seen or heard him since breakfast. Oh i actually had lunch today, I don't know what's come over me haha.
The locals are freaking out today. We've had 4 code greens today and 2 of them in 4 points. Well just 1 now. Must be a full moon or something in the water. It's too cloudy to see if there is one. All the cases were pretty minor except for 1 which they called in the campus security. You know you've hit the big time when the come rolling in on you.
Dr. C took me off the ambien and i don't know why. I'm kinda pissed about it. There trazadone shit doesn't do anything for me. I see the effects of the Remeron coming back with the Trazadone. So ill have to get ahold of him tomorrow before i leave. Maybe i will put in a request asking why and tell him the traz isn't doing anything but make me tired all the time but i can't sleep. With the combo of them (traz and ambien) it seemed to do pretty well together. I really don't know overall what is going to help me sleep and will i have to take them forever? f so that will suck.
I'm still feeling a bit down. My mom called around 9:20pm just to firm things up. Here appointment is at 10 not noon so she said she can be there at 1:30 instead of 3:30 but i think she'll get here around 2ish since it is a hair appointment. Anyways as for me heeling down i don't know what is causing it. I really think it maybe the Trazadone. I'm not feeling suicidal but i just feel down. I am looking forward to seeing my boys and sleeping with them but the anticipation of everything has gone away. As in "yeah I'm going on an overnight pass, no biggy really." That's just how i feel and i cant help it. I know that thoughts are coming. Will it happen at the house? will it trigger everything and got that dark roll going again? We will find out tomorrow and Saturday. Hmm I'm wondering since Jeremy's death if the house has been a bad omen for me? Could be true.
by the way i have J back as my roommate and it sucks. She has OCD to the max. I'm trying to sleep around 9:30 and comes in and turns on the fucking light. Thanks bitch for being so courteous. She is insane and she goes on these rants and docent stop until you start to walk away. She's fucking snobby as hell to because she's from MA. She thinks she's higher than anyone else. Bitch please! I cant wait to see her go. It wont be soon enough. She wont stay still in bed. it's gonna drive me crazy and she snores a bit so i can most likely count on not sleeping tonight. And she talks to herself way to much. She almost says it under her breath so you cant really tell what she's saying but she has great conversations with herself.
Ok off to request about the ambien sitch and to bitch about the traz.
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