So i had my meeting with Dr. C (Fri) and it was a good meeting. Just as we went in the group room my mom came though. We talked for about 45 minutes and she was fine with it. Dr. C and I talked about how i was feeling during the week and how i feel about going home. I was feeling anxious, nervous about it but i was excited also. We talked about my conditional discharge and the pros and cons of it all. I didn't really find any pros it was more cons. He said i have to start seeing the positives of things and try not to focus soully on the negatives like i always do. He said i had a lot of work to do on myself still and i have been making a lot of progress overall. He told me about how he pretty much fucked up about the ambien thing. He said there was no excuse for it. I thought that was cool of him to admit. He wants me off of it so when i get out i don't have to pay out of pocket for so many drugs. He wasn't to take me off the Klonopin also but it has to be slowly. He is upping my Trazadone to 100mg when i get back on Saturday night and see how that works.
So finally got out of the unit. I wanted my mom to bring me to a BOA so i can finally deposit my finally check from the ballroom. We finally get home and my boys are freaking out because their momma is home! We played for a while. Then i unpacked a bit and then took out some of the clothes that i wanted to bring with me. I was looking for my hat that i bought at Pac Sun before i went in the hospital and i looked everywhere for the damn thing. So the last place my mom and i checked was the hot topic bag and there it was right on the bottom with the tags still on it. I really love that hat and i wore it all day.
C came to the house to pick me up just before 8 to take me to hockey. the pugs were happy to see her but of course Seamus was constantly barking at her because she's not part of the "inner circle". So we ended up leaving for the rink around 8:15. Since it was a secret that i was coming everyone were pretty surprised to see me. It was really good to see them also. I felt that i fit right in still and nothing was awkward either. that's something that i was expecting and didn't happen.
We played the Lady Monarchs and i know they suck and they hate me so i was expecting some hostility during the game but in fact that didn't happen either. We ended up winning 2-1. The game shouldn't have been that close but we had 3 lines. All the lines worked together pretty well for the most part. We had a lot of penalties though. Our referee sucked and yes i got a penalty for high sticking so i wasn't very happy about that. Also it was close to the end of the game too. I think there were 3 minutes to go. B had one goal and C had the other. I played with B and A. The line wasn't bad but i know i didn't play up to par by far . If i didn't stop playing i would have done 100x better. My best show at a goal was their best player thought she would be all bad ass and tried to deek around me but i wasn't having that so i gook away the puck around our blue line and i was off on a breakaway. When this was all happening one of our players took out one of their players and she was "hurt" so the ref blew the whistle. I was so pissed because i know that i was gonna score. the ref made the wrong call on that play since i wasn't anywhere near the injured girl and our team had possession of the puck. Oh well what can you do right? I did the best i could with that i had and i hadn't played a game since August.
I played center on the 2nd line and i won most of my face-offs which was great for me and a positive. My skating sucked and its not actually like riding a bike either. The problem with my skating maybe my skates. I had the skate shot tighten my blade because it was pretty lose and i think that played is uneven with the other now. I need new blades anyways. I might just go down to Play It Again Sports and trade my old ones for some better used ones. I really want the Vapor xx's or xxx's. When i get out I'll have to make a trip down there. I want to find another Itech helmet also. It's totally falling apart.
Anyways so after the game we went out and hit up Applebee's like they always do after the games. I think there were 8 of us there so it was a good turn out. Everyone ate but me since my mom ordered from Kristo's for dinner. I had a small turkey sub and it was awesome. So we hung out until about midnight and D needed to leave because he had to be up at 4:30am for his Marines thing. So i got home around 12:15am.
When i got home my mom and B were still up. Oh yeah side note my mom and grandma came to the game too which i thought was great. Anyways so the pugs were once again happy to see their momma and were all over me. I talked to the 'rents for a while and i could see Pacey on the could looking at me like "momma shower already so we can get to bed!" I took a night hot shower without my flip flops and i shaved. After i got out came the the test to see if Linkin would go up with me or in my mom's room. He likes to sleep there. He jumped off the couch and headed upstairs but Pacey was being lazy and didn't want to get off the couch to go upstairs. We got him up there though. Pacey per usual went under the covers like he always does the Link went to the foot of the bed.
Saturday:
I woke up a bit early from Pacey wanting to get out from under the covers and Linkin was right against my left so i couldn't move. I didn't mind because i was home and in my own bed. Fell back asleep until i think just before 10am. I got the best sleep since I've been in the hospital. It helped that it was quiet and the door wasn't opening and closing every 15 minutes.
Me and the boys got up and my mom was up already and Seamus was also. I took them all outside to go potty. I grabbed my mac and check my email. I got a surprise email. Friday night i sent a blog and bulletin out on myspace saying what i was up to and told people to email me at my email since i couldn't check myspace at the hospital. I did also explain what was going on and i mean people are gonna find out some time i might as well let them know. I thought i would let them know i was still alive. So the email was from Z. He is the last person that i thought would email me. I was pretty happy and he was so positive. He wanted to see me again soon since its been almost a year since AM has played a show. I said he had no news on the AM front to cheer me up. Such a kind guy. I'll email him back today or tomorrow. I may save all the emails for when i get to the hospital since it will give me something to do.
Around noon Mom and i went to Wild Willy's to pick up lunch. I was craving their fries and a coffee shake. I got a grilled cheese but i couldn't eat it all. So much food they give you there.
I wanted to watch the Michigan-Ohio State game since they got a new 40" flat screen with HD. So the game went on about 3:30 and man HD is sick! I wanted Michigan to win but they did not. I knew my mom and B didn't really want to watch the game but i think they really enjoyed it since it was such a close game right down the the wire. We all had a good time watching it.
Grandma came over a little before 7 to say goodbye to me. That was a treat and she ended up watching a bit of the game also. We talked a bit about how everything is going overall and told her about me moving on to the transitioning phase now but i still had a bit of work to do on myself still. I said i didn't want to get out ASAP but i didn't want to be rushed either. I asked her i could stay there for a few months so i could save up and get my own place. I got a mixed review about the whole thing. She didn't give me a yes or no. I think she is hesitant to have me there because she's scared that i may try to hurt myself again. I wouldn't blamer her either. So hopefully i can go home for Thanksgiving day.
I spent most of the day online checking through Myspace for jobs and i was checking the Roadie boards with nothing coming up. We had to leave by 7:15pm and the game still had like 20 seconds left but the game was pretty much over. So i said my goodbyes to the pug, gram and B. Mom hauled ass to get me back by 8 and i was a couple minutes late but it wasn't a big deal.
Came back to the hospital and everyone was asking me how my night pass was. I grabbed my computer and finished uploading Old School but for some reason it wasn't working. So i spent over 4 hours for nothing. I just put the DVD in and watching it anyways. When i was watching someone said there was going to be a meeting with G in the day room. So i asked what was going on. J told me JW totally freaked out and was fighting with the staff. I guess he got a phone call but he wasn't allowed to take it because he is on a room program in which he can come out of his room for 15 minutes every hour. So he started talking on the phone and slammed it against the wall. The staff tried to get him to calm down but i guess he was freaking out. A got sent to the hospital for precautions since J scratched him in the eye. I guess a lot of people saw it happening and G just wanted to discuss it. Damn so i missed that.
I finished my movie then took my meds and headed to my room to put my stuff away. I also didn't want to disturb my crazy roomie either. Sleeping was back to normal. I woke up in the middle of the night and i put on the ipod to see if that would make me fall asleep. I didn't fall asleep so i started writing and my hand hurt so i stopped.
No comments:
Post a Comment