Once again i didn't get much sleep. I will have to remember to tell Dr. C that. I made a list of stuff to talk about today if i talk to him. If not tomorrow.
I'm waiting to talk to D about my disability forms so i can fill them out and get it out in the mail today. The questions on there i have already answered when i was on the phone but now that i am still here do i answer them as if i will be in here longer?
Skipped current events this morning. I didn't feel like getting up and getting dressed right away. this place has actually made me pretty damn lazy. Let's hope i can get back on track when i get out.
I have to do laundry today. I'm running out of clothes here and once again I'm feeling pretty lazy about doing it. Then there's the famous empowerment we have today. Only my favorite part of my day!! NOT!! What else is on the agenda today here? Oh Hope, Health and Recovery which we didn't have last week for some reason oh wait no we did have it but it was just with Dr. D and no Rev Dr. last week so that pretty much sucked having 2 groups with Dr D. Then i have gym which i think i have gone once since it was added to my schedule. I may go today if i feel like it. I maybe biz with my word seek though. I actually really like doing those.
I talked to Dr. C quickly today and told him what i was thinking about transition wise. I felt rushed by him though. I didn't get to talk about everything i wasn't to but i did tell him the basic of what i was fearing. We talked at 10:45am and i had empowerment at 11am so that's why it was so rushed.
I don't want to go out there in the outside and be totally unprepared. I want to be totally ready to go out there and i don't want to be rushed. If i have to stay longer to be prepared then that's fine. I want the team to make sure that i am ready to go out there and that i ham prepared. I need to get some passes so i can start making contacts about my job(s). For the first time i am very frightened of the unknown and i have always gone into everything with my head down and just made it.
What is the point of being here at the hospital if you are only going to be here for 3, 5, 10 days? How much help do you really get in that time? In that 3-10 days any of them could fall on a weekend so you lose 2 days in that alone. What's the point?
Then there's the question of how long is too long? 30 days, 60 days, 90 days? I guess that depends on the person and their illness. In my case how long is too long? Have i been here too long that i may have a hard time adjusting back in the real world. Is this just the right amount of time for me? I think only time will tell. I can adjust pretty well to any situation but i have lost a lot of confidence since being here but i have gained no fear attitude since being here so does that counter act for the confidence?
Ive been a bit more jittery lately. I think it maybe from the Effexor finally kicking in. I don't really feel any better but i don't feel any worse right now. My hands are shaking a bit ore so it shows in my writing.
I never head the announcement for dinner tonight. That's weird because that loud speaker can wake someone in a fucking coma. I'm not that hungry anyways and if i am i can grab that other lunchable so it's fine or wait until snack. Although i do have a Charleston chew in the drawer that i can have. I brushed my teeth already though so i don't think ill have anything else tonight. Had a hot chocolate a while ago and it was good as usual. The hot chocolate here is just like the PPC hot chocolates. I still have my vitamin water (defence) from the other day. I finished off my great tea on this morning i think it was.
R was to call me at 4:30 and no call. She forgets everything but no biggy but i wanted to tell her i put in for a pass and ill find out tomorrow if i get it. I hope i get it and i think it will be 50/50. If i don't get it i can tell that i maybe here pace December or longer. If i do get it then i maybe out at the end of the month.
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