Waking up in throughout the night thinking that i was at my house.
But that was not the case.
I am here in this hospital.
This is the place that's supposed to help me.
But i feel at this moment it is hurting me.
The meds make me angry and harsh at the world.
Not that i didn't feel like that anyways.
This is a new anger and a new rage.
Code green could come down at any second.
Feeling restless and anxious.
You would feel this way too if you were caged in.
I'm not sure if this place is helping me or hurting me.
The meds make me angry and hard at world
No that i didn't feel like that anyways.
This is a new anger, a new rage.
The blood in me is boiling with my hands shaking.
I could lost myself at anytime.
Where is that breaking point? I think i need it soon.
I'm starting to see ways to hurt myself here.
Never thought it could be possible
I'm so angry now that i could cry.
Confusion on why i am feeling this way is setting in.
At the same time all though thoughts are still here.
They think if i take meds everything will be better.
But they thought sill continue to be there.
I need to resolve all internal issues.
Death of my best friend and lover is only a piece of the puzzle.
Will the doctors see that?
I'm not very hopeful at this point.
So what is the point of being here?
6:41 pm 10/23/07:
5 code greens in a span of 3 hours.
2 code greens with 1 person.
2 people on 4 points
Campus police called in 3 out of the 5 times.
they give you the pills to take away the pain but does the pain every really go away?
I scream out loud with my actions.
As I'm here in my room, I can't stop thinking.
Thinking of those thoughts that bring me down.
It's hard for e to express what I'm feeling.
It's hard for me to talk about myself.
I will never wear my heart on my sleeve.
She is the girls who is content watching and hiding.
The hood is always up never exposing her sad face and her emotions.
She pugs her emotions on the back burner.
Now she's faced with a choice.
They give you pills to take away the pain.
But does the pain ever really go away.
Chemical, chemical is the answer.
They never see the pain she goes through everyday.
they never saw it coming.
they never expected it.
I live in my head.
Will i love to tell what's in my head?
I think this is my fault.
Do i really want to be happy?
Why should i try when no one else cares?
I don't know how to feel
i will be forgotten
I hope for someone to take me away
Am i really this fucked up?
Did he do this for revenge?
He haunts me
When i go to sleep i always hope i don't wake up.
I wish i wasn't so truthful
Trust no one, they just end up hurting you one way or another in the end
Anger is a gift
When will i break in here
I'm tired of fighting for me
I need to be free of myself
Sleep while you can
I'll sleep when i;m dead
Why can't i find a quiet place
I don't what to face the truth
I don't want to feel this way
Paranoid
I never saw a future
There's no going back
Suicide should be a choice
I am the enemy
This was never my idea
Life is too loud for me
Why do i feel so average
What did i do to become this way?
The world shows no promise
I like the dark
Why I don't feel guilty for hurting others
Questions everything
The room is full but why do i feel so empty?
No one was there for me
Do i want to be happy?
Thoughts race
Do i really want help?
Why can't i left myself cry
I have no heart
In the end we are all just an after thought
I wish i was half as strong and you think i am
Love is life, Isolation is fear
Somebody get me out of my head
I am falling apart
Does anyone really care.
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