So today has been a really hard day. I'm not up to facing reality. I think of anything but revenge. Revenge on Jeremy. I want to go find him and stab him and tell him how bad he hurt me by doing this. The effect of him put me in this fucking hospital. this day i don't feel like they can't help me. I don't want help either. I just feel like finishing myself off. I think people will be in shock but then a time goes on people just move on. Maybe if i kill myself i can feel happy like the previous days. does being suicidal make you crazy?
Me and Dr. C were talking today about how i am saving and helping everyone else out but never helping myself out. I'm the strong one. I can't be this way. That's just what i think. Well I'm done saving me and everyone else.
I think i have lived a good life or maybe i just maybe have made the best of the situation that i could. I am still content and do not regret anything just about.
I've been alone my whole life so why not die alone. We all die alone anyways. I've spent my whole life caring for myself and when i was with Jeremy he helped me by taking care of me and i did the same for him. It was just in different ways.
Dr. C wants me to write an angry letter to Jeremy but right now i don't see the point because he's never going to see it anyways. But I'll just write it to appease him.
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