I skipped breakfast because i was to lazy and tired to get up. I managed to get up quickly around 9 to take my meds. J had to remind me of that, then i layed in bed until about 10 and finally got up and got dressed. I decided that i was lundry and really wanted Kix cereal. So i singed out and went to the caf and got my Kix. I got a hot chocolate too, They are so good i couldn't resist.
Told the nurse that i was using out of my 2 hour pass and everything is cool. It's only 10:30 and my mom and Pacey don't come until noon. What am i to do with an hour and a half? I guess i can listen to the ipod and do a word seek for a while.
My momma is late with my pug. It's about 10 after 12 i think and she isn't here. She said she'd be here at noon. I just want to see my Pacey Pug. I'm asking for much you know. I guess we're gonna go to the caf and get something to eat and then walk with him on the ground. I'm sure he will pee and poop on everything he see's too. He's that kind of pug.
Finally got to see the world famous Pacey Pug!! I think he's gotten fatter too. He saw me and gave me some kisses and i hugged his rolls haha. I was so happy to see him. So me and my mom got some sandwiches from the caf to eat so we went outside since it was gorgeous out. We found some picnic tables on the grounds and ate there. Pacey has his fair share of the sandwiches in which he didn't need. Then we walked across the parking lot to where the duck pond was. All the ducks were out of the pond and in the grass. Pacey didn't even notice them even with all the squawking going on. He was more concerned on what was the next thing to pee on. That's my boy. We found a couple of more picnic tables that were net to the pond and sat down again to watch the ducks. Me and the mom's didn't say much today. It wasn't a bad thing. Then we walked back to the car and i check my mail out. Nothing that good. I got more paper on the disability to fill out so i have that to write to D and ask him a few questions about what to write.
Tomorrow is Sunday, yet another boring weekend day. I'll almost likely hide in my room and attempt to sleep the day away. I never sleep during the day anymore and i miss that too. I'll listen to the ipod and so some word seeks. I have to do laundry tomorrow. Hopefully i can get out of bed to do that. So that's my day tomorrow.
I'm staring to get down again. Maybe i am just getting back to "normal" or i could be falling again. I'm pretty worried about the future. About when i get out of here. I'm not facing reality. I haven't worried in almost 2 months, the Casino is done tomorrow. Capitol will have shows at the Verizon but they are fan and few between bacause of the Monarchs playing their hockey. I can try to call J at PE and see what she could get me but there isn't a lot of concerts that they do in the winter. It's mostly convention stuff at the CONH i think. PE does show at the Tsongas but there isn't that many either. So i'm kinda stuck.
I pretty much have so place to live right now when i gout out. I don't think i can go back to my mom's. It's just too much of a negative environment for me. If i live somewhere i have to have a roommate because it's not healthy for me to live by myself. I have to find a place that will allow 2 dogs also. I have a monster car payment and i have 2 more years left on it and i don't think my car will last that long unless I'm in here for a while. So playing rent along with my car payment i think i will have to make over a 1000 a month. Then there's other stuff like utilities, heat, cable, Internet, car insurance, cell phone, food, pug stuff. So i would add at least another 400 on that. So 1400 a month for me to live on my own. So i would have to be pulling in at least 400 a week. Where am i going to make 400 a week? I know i could i worked constantly with PE. I worked 2 days with them and i made over 300 but how much will they use me thought. I did burn them the first time i was in the hospital. If i didn't have my car payment then i wouldn't worry that much but it's a huge expense. I want to play hockey but that costs money too and i;m pretty sure i won't have the money for that and that bums me out. I have reasons to be worried. I'll talk to Dr. C about this also. My options are closing in on me. I think R could let me stay there but i think she's afraid of me slipping and harming myself again. D's house is too expensive to live in. His roomie pays 900 a month to live there and then he has his other expenses.
I don't want to go back to my shitty dead end jobs again. I found what i want to do and it seems like it's slipping away from me. I want to continue what i am doing because it makes me happy to do my job. I work with rock stars all day, who wouldn't want that job? My passion is music and i was making money and moving up quickly. Can i start over again and make just as much progress as i did in the summer or did i miss my chance when i went into this hospital.
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