Still only sleeping a few hours because of various happenings within the unit. It's tough and it's becoming a huge annoyance and i think it makes my mood even worse.
I tried 3x to strange myself last night with my ipod headphones. It didn't work. I got tired of holding it after a few minutes. I couldn't get it tight enough either. I have something else planned for tonight so i will be making my notes now. I'll write later.......
I just talking to M and we talked for about 30 minutes. I told her how i felt and i gave her the power to do what she See's fit. Right now I'm content but i just want to hang out in my room and try to sleep since i didn't get much last night. Something is always going on between 2am and 4am. That could still have a huge roll in this situation.
M tells me I'm 30 and i have so much to live for. She's right but i can't see past my thoughts. I'm tired and content with everything. There's nothing to hold me back and I'm sorry to everyone i just hope i don't fuck anyone up as badly as Jeremy did to me. I don't think that i am that close to anyone but R and I'm sure everyone moves on in the end.
Right now I'm on a level 2 which someone is keeping an extra eye on me. I did tell M i did have a plan and i wish i said i didn't say that. They are probably searching my room now for something that i could hurt me and i should have kept it with me.
I feel so sad that i can't even describe it at this point. I feel calm, relaxed, thoughtless, alone, sick to my stomach, watched, distracted by listening to the Keane album. Angry from K yelling, annoyed from all of the noise in general. I like my quiet place and i can't get to that now.
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