Tuesday Journal

Tuesday:

There's frost on the ground here this morning. I'm glad i don't have to go out there. I think sleep was pretty good last night. I moved over 1 more room towards the back hall so it is a big more quieter because you can't here K yapping away to the nurses station. I think i had this room before too the first time i was here. N was my roomie and then she went AWOL. I took there bed closest to the heater and then light above me doesn't work so that's a bonus. There room seems to be a bit warmer than the others that I've been in.

So far there day seems pretty positive today. Once again i feel this relief about hearing some of the stuff that happened to Jeremy. It's hard to describe other than a weight has been lifted and i feel a bit more closer to closure with his death. Is this "It has to end to begin"? Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I know i may find out in the next couple of day. I almost find comfort in how desecrate he was when he shot himself by covering himself up and even just confirming that it was his father's gun has helped me even though i suspected  it all along. I hope i get to talk to Dr. C today about it. Even though we haven't really talked about Jeremy in a week or so. I think this is a major progress on it's own. 

Today for groups i have Wellness in which i don not want to go to. There's Loss and Recovery which is boring and painful to go through. Visual journaling and Gym. I think i need to hit up the gym for sure today. D needs to call me so we can confirm when we are going to play hockey. I want to play on Thursday. R and the boys want to take me out for lunch of Friday since they have a half day. That's really nice of the boys to do that for me. I think if i play hockey that will be a big help too. I need to get that extra anger out. I'll probably play horrible but it will be my first time playing since early September. That's actually a good amount of time not playing. I know i am out of shape and if i go i will really find out how out of shape i am.

On another Jeremy note. Now that this has come out i can finally thinking about the good times we had. This is a first since his death.

Went to wellness even though i didn't want to. It was a good thing because L brought her dog Cooper. He's a really good dog and she was telling me they used to have a pug come in as the therapeutic dog.

I just want to the library and check my email and emptied out all the Myspace and other random stuff. I only had 15 minutes so i could only reply to C's email. I'll try to go again and replay to other peoples emails  to me. They are kinda piling up a bit but I'll put in a request today to get the 30 minute privs.

I'm listening to the new Dr. C mix and i am pretty happy with it. I may switch a couple songs but i don't know which ones just yet.

We just had a code green. JK was in the caf and threw a couple of chairs at the windows. I didn't see it but it sounded interesting. Unit G for the past 3 days has been wild. Code green city for that unit. That staff is working for every dollar haha.

I never met up with Dr. C today which was a bummer. He only met up with a couple of people today. I spent most of the day trying to nap but i didn't fall asleep. So now I'm pretty tired and it's only 5:40pm. D needs to call tonight and i have to remember that Nip/Tuck is on at 10pm tonight. I may have to go to the caf and get a today with caffeine to stay up. I think i finally finished my mix for Dr. C and I'm listening  to it now. I'm going to listen to it again just to make sure it sounds right. I am sick of hearing some of the songs on here but they are pretty essential to the his mix. 

3 people were discharged today from the unit. Yeah i wasn't one of them. So it's pretty empty in the E unit right now. I still have my own room. I think i have earned it. Putting up with L for 3 days was a test. I hope G comes to check in tonight. I'm feeling ok, the high of last night is wearing off but i still feel good knowing some of the things.