Monday Journal

Monday:

The dreaded Monday, I'm skipping current events so i can be lazy this morning. Today i feel pretty good. I think i actually got a decent nights sleep last night which is a first in a while. Before i went to bed i put in a request for team to get back my 2 hour passes and get 15 minute privs 3x a shift. I doubt I'll get the 2 hour pass today but i was worth a try and i will put in a request everyday this week until i get it. Hopefully i will get it tomorrow so i can go and play hockey on Thursday at the rink with D. Ok back to bed for me. I will wake up around 10:30 and get dressed for empowerment.

Then day went by pretty fast today. I was having a positive day. I also had a good chat with Dr. C and P today. We talked about last week and how i am feeling today. I told them about me doing the coping skills G told me to write down and do. I told Dr. C that i was a roller coaster because of the meeting we had on Friday and it bothered me all weekend. I got some privs back. I have my 2 hour community pass back and 15 minutes 3x a shift. I was surprised that i got both. Now i need a night pass. Oh i also said i wanted to play stick practice on Thursday with the 2 hour pass. I told them i really missed hockey a lot and that i want to play again.

I got a call from H. One of Jeremy's friends today. I think as bad as what i Read it was the best think i could have heard. It was hard to hear but i feel like this weight was lifted off my back. It was some sort of closure to the death of Jeremy. She told me M left around 10-10:30am and she tried calling the house at noon and never heard from him. This was on Friday. Then finally M went to the house around 10pm and found him with a sheet and hoodie over him. And he was in the bed. They think the time of death was round 11 or 12 noon. I thought it was midnight on Friday. Also the police found some rope and a receipt form the week before in a bag in the basement. So there was some sort of plan. He was also skipping appointments for his therapy also. The biggest thing of it all was that the gun was Jeremy's father. I don't know if she was award or when he got the gun. From the moment i found out he killed himself i knew he shot himself. He did take a bunch of pills also. I find it ironic that we both tried or were thinking the same lines of suicide. I feel less guilt now, I feel relieved about some of this. Some of my answers are answered. I think i maybe finding hope that i can get over his death and get out of my head.